doublegunshop.com - home Forums General Discussion DoubleGun BBS @ doublegunshop.com doctors and guns....

Hey, Dr. WonkotS, Are you a shrink?

Respectfully, Dean

This came to me in my email the other day, I thought I'd share...
Steve

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . .
.'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

2.At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. .. . I
instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. .
‘Which one?'. ... . I asked. 'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?' ‘It’s very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a
punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered ... .... . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read .. . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said ‘Sorry. .... . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . .

8... As a new, young MD
doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name…

Actually, I studied with Professor Irwin Corey, The World's Foremost Authority, and am a recognized Certified Authority - obviously now that is Dr of Certified Authority.

HTH

Dr WtS

How coincidental... I studied under Foster Brooks

I don't think the original post was meant to be a knock on Drs... Just a point of absurdity about gun control and the "danger of Guns".

When I worked as kid going through college at the local sporting goods store whenever some backpacking hippie would freak out the same time a gun was being rung up at the register, I used to tell them I was that way whenever I got near a car. That always brought a inquisitive response, why.

I returned, I have friends that have been killed in cars, but none killed by a gun.....
At least it made them stop and think about it.

Jerry

..and now for the fun..
You heard about the absent minded proctologist. He always carried around a pen and a rectal thermometer in his shirt pocket. One day he went to write a prescription and whipped out the thermometer, realizing it wouldn't write he said, "Dammit, some A__hole has my pen".


Jerry

About a week after examining his elderly and somewhat deaf patient, a Doctor saw the old geezer grinning ear to ear and walking down the street arm in arm with a very sexy young babe.

The shocked Doc collared the guy and took him aside and asked him what the hell he was doing.

The old skeetshooter replied that he was merely "following your advice... get a hot mama and be cheerful!"

"No, no, no," said the Doc, "I said you've got a heart murmur; be careful."

I'm a primary care Physician Assistant working in rural and emergency medicine for 22 years. So, no doctor with my name, and no plush retirement account either. As a gun owner, hunter, and avid outdoorsman, I still advocate for guns to be stored properly. That entails asking if there are guns in the house. I ask the question with respect, explain why I am asking, and have yet to be misunderstood.

The intent of asking about guns, is to recommend safe storage and handling. It is the same as asking if the crib is of modern manufacture, the house has smoke alarms, and is the hot water heater set low enough for children.

Unfortunately, the counseling rarely gets done. I believe most electronic medical records are set up to record how much history is obtained, and points are given for questions asked. The more points that are accrued, the higher the rate of billing. I see it as another trend in medicine that we have check lists to follow. I suspect the questioning is often done in the wrong fashion, and not with the intent to give valid recommendations for storage. I doubt any of my fellow providers in our clinic even have rudimentary knowlege of gun handling/storage.

Don't take it out on the well-intentioned provider who asks the question, instead play along, ("sure I have a bb gun in the house,") and see if they follow up. If they offer a sincere and considerate recommendation for appropriate storage and move along, have no concerns. If they breeze right by it, rest assured your bill just went up, and your provider is missing the whole point of the question.

By the way, I love the jokes, none of mine are remotely appropriate or I would join in.

Rob.

Thank you!

Actually, I would find a doctor or any other medical person advising me on gun storage to be a little off his rocker. Kinda like if he offered to cut my steak in small bites for me.