Shopping Mall Rules:
If in the unlikely reason you are ever required to enter one of these behemoths keep the following in mind:
1. Write down the aisle where you parked your car as this is just like parking at an airport.
2. As soon as you enter a mall find a "You Are Here" sign and write down the names of the stores around you as you will probably be unfamiliar with most. This is essential for finding your way back out. If you have a GPS take a reading at this point.
3. You have probably accurately assessed that there are few if any middle aged males present. This is due to the fact that most males will only enter one of these when in tow of a female.
4. You will quickly discover that there is virtually nothing of interest for sale in any of the stores so you might as well take up a spot on one of the benches until it's time to leave(Unless the dreaded Step 5 applies).
5. If you have been coerced into going there by your other half to buy some "decent cloths so we can go out" let her pick them out,don't argue,try them on and get out as quickly as possible.
6. Upon returning home pour yourself a healthy dollop of "Old Stump Puller" and shortly your blood pressure will return to normal.
7' Get out you favorite double and run a few patches thru the barrels and soon all will be forgotten.
Jim
