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How about this one:

"Buyer has a three day no-questions-asked right of return. In the event the buyer returns the gun he pays shipping and insurance both ways.

If the seller made a material mistake in describing the gun and the buyer returns it the seller will pay shipping and insurance both ways.

If returned the gun must be in the same condition as when it was shipped.

If the gun is returned it must by shipped by USPS."

If you start using this in your Gunbroker ads you have to pay me $100 fee for writing it for you.

or dis:

if for any reason you don't like your new gun, then just send it on back with no questions asked and we will send you back all the money you sent us, plus we will also send you back the money it costs you to return the item. and we will also eat whatever web site fee we paid, all just because you changed your mind.

after all we understand that:

a. your wife found out you spent the money without her ok and so to get her off your back, you gotta get the money back.

b. you really don't know much about guns, so you bought one from us and found it was not what you thought is was.

c. after you bought the gun from us, you found another one for less money.

and, if you decide to rob a few parts from the gun and replace them with your worn out junk parts, then that's ok by us, cause we will just pass it and them on to some unsuspecting buyer.

and if the gun gets broke in the return shipping process, thats ok. we know it wernt yo fault.

and if our consignment customers get discouraged with all this yes, its sold vs the no, it aint sold after all, then we will certainly understand why they will get disgusted with us and you and no longer give us their consignment business. and, instead they will consign their guns to auctions houses who certainly do not accept returns, with "all sales final" as their return policy.

No Ed, I don't think that's what Mike wrote, his sounds a bit clearer than yours, doesn't it. Why don't you add in 'no buyers remorse', and return authorization required. Then send Mike maybe ninety, ninety-five bucks.

If you use my policy you won't get this:

Our Friend Ed Did it Again

And I imagine you get a lot complaints like the one that guy had.

And the policy I described matches Cabela's exactly, except for the USPS part as they use UPS. They have all the exact same risks you describe yet they have continued with the policy I just described for several years. Dumb bastards - what are they thinking?

well guys and others, I been doin this sellin guns by remote control thing since the 1980's. my experience is such that my current published return policy works best for me. it provides the flexibility and control I desire to run my hobby business the way I want it to be.

should my published return policy no longer meet my needs then, I will certainly consider changing it. until then its "business as usual".

My "business as usual":

well mikee, that's certainly fine by me.

and here is another one of my business policies for you and others to ponder:

"we reserve the right to refuse to do business with anyone".

If you use my policy you won't get this:

Our Friend Ed Did it Again

And I imagine you get a lot complaints like the one that guy had.

And the policy I described matches Cabela's exactly, except for the USPS part as they use UPS. They have all the exact same risks you describe yet they have continued with the policy I just described for several years. Dumb bastards - what are they thinking?

ed, I don't think that's going to be any problem at all. If you really want to punish Mike, send his wife a coupon for free torch coloring so she can surprise him for his birthday

OK! I give. You win ed. Don't send any gift certificates to Amarillo! I will paint your house. Buy you a car. Just no gift certificates!