doublegunshop.com - home Forums General Discussion DoubleGun BBS @ doublegunshop.com Best Hunting Joke

Short and sweet and always gets laughs"

Beer Nuts
What�s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer Nuts are around a dollar seventy-nine, and deer nuts are just under a buck!

2-piper has it for now. It has to be a story like 'piper' told. Here is the one I used last year.

Friend of mine is the school football coach. In his school, football is a big sport and everyone comes out to watch the games. It also means a lot of revenue and some players get scouted to the colleague teams. He's a good coach but this past year he had a crop of youth the just didn't pan out. He worked his butt off but they were bottom of league at the end of the season.

Knowing how badly they had faired and how big football is in the community he was getting a bit worried about his job. Now my friend is also a hunter and really likes the early season duck hunt. He has a great hole down on one of the school board trustee's lands that he hunted for the past few years.

He decided to try it and took along the assistant coach who also likes hunting ducks. He pulls up into the farm yard and says to the assistant coach you stay here. I want to ask permission to hunt and also I would like to get an indication if my job is on the line.

So the coach goes up and knocks on the door and the school trustee answers it. The Coach talks a bit about the weather and the harvest season then gets down to business and ask if he can hunt the hole for ducks. The trustee says yes help yourself. Since things in the conversation are going good the coach decides to ask if he still has a job the next year. The trustee says for sure. You been doing a good job for the past few years and this year you just had a bunch of kids with no talent. We ain't going to fire you for that.

Well the coach is very relieved. As he turns to head back to the truck the trustee says perhaps you can do me a favour. I got this old horse down in the coral that needs to be put down but I just can't do it myself. Perhaps you can help me. When you get to the coral maybe you can get out your shotgun and put him down.

The coach all relieved about keeping his job says sure no problem. As he gets back to the truck he's thinking this will be great joke on his assistant coach. He gets in the truck and tells the assistant coach we lost our jobs, but the trustee was a bit emotional about it and says we can hunt for one last time.

As they turn turn through the barn yard and to the coral the coach breaks hard, grabs his shotgun and says I'm going to kill his damn horse. He shoots. Just as the horse drops he hears two more shots behind him. Turning around the assistant coach says Ya and I just shot 2 of his cows, lets get the hell out of here!

A rich guy and his pal, a poor guy, go bird hunting. The rich guy has his champion dogs the poor guy shows up with a goat. The rich guy says "I'm not hunting with a goat". The poor guys says "This goat can hunt". And sure enough that goat was amazing, He was first on point point, retrieve, crash through brush. The bulk of the birds were shot over this goat and not over the rich guys brace of dogs. The rich guy says "I gotta have that goat name your price". The poor guy says "No not going to sell". The rich guy says "I'll give you anything you want and throw in this shotgun you are so crazy about". The poor guys says "Sorry but this goat won't hunt for you". Rich guy say "What do you mean?" The poor guys says "Don't you still in that big house on the lake?" Rich guy says"Yeah" The poor guy says "Well he won't hunt for you. This goat would rather fish then hunt"

Ok. Here's an old one, adapted to the new realia.

A grandfather finally convinced his hipster grandson to try out hunting. He wanted the kid to have a real good time, so he decides to take him on a guided moose hunt. The guide takes them into the wilderness, tells them he'll place them on stands, detour and push the moose onto them.

- All right - says the youngster.

- The moose will come out of there, and you shoot it in the heart.

- All right.

- Make sure you're shooting at the moose, and not any other animal or a person

- All right

- Don't go anywhere off the place where I put you.

- All right.

- And be careful with the locals. They sometimes come up to you and try to tell them it's their moose, they'd wounded it before, and must have the meat. Don't let them take your moose away.

- All right.

The guide leaves, and the hipster stays put. Sure enough, a couple of hours later a moose comes out of the wood, and the hipster shoots it dead.

Immediately after that, a man dressed like a local calls out to him:

- It's my moose! - cries the hipster.

- Hey, listen..

- I'm not gonna listen, it's my moose!

- But...

- Shut up! That moose is mine! I'm keeping it!

- What the...

- I tell you it's mine! Get off before I shoot you too!

- All right! OK! You win! It's your moose. This moose is yours. Just let me get the saddle off it...

Tamid,

Love this one.

Two guys are sitting in a deer stand. Out across the field emerges one of the finest bucks either had ever seen. As the one hunter raises his rifle and readies himself for the shot, his buddy offhandedly whispers that there's a funeral procession passing by the road at the other end of the field.

With this, the shooter lays down his rifle, stands and turns towards the funeral procession, removes his hat and bows his head.

After the last car had gone by he sat back down. By now the buck had wandered off. Impressed, his hunting buddy tells his friend that he couldnt believe he passed on the buck just to pay his respects to a distant passing funeral.

At this the man replied, "Heck, we were married 37 years!"

- Nudge

I heard that same one about a dove shoot. Thanks for the reminder about it.

SRH

Here's one that was PM'd to me yesterday evening. I'll copy and paste it verbatim. For Ed, verbatim means exactly as I received it, word for word:

Ed Good and King Brown were out deer hunting when they came to a grove of trees. The two decided to split up, one taking each side of the grove. As they were walking Ed saw the branches rustle in the trees and took a shot. To his horror he realized that he shot King. Ed quickly rushed King to the emergency room and patiently waited outside. After two hours the doctor emerged and Ed asked him how his buddy King was. The doctor said, "We tried our best and he would have made it if you hadn't gutted him first."

Keith, no such thing as simple humor for you and your negative posting ways; you can't help yourself

Bless You

old hypocrite, please give us an estimate of how many draft horses it would take to pull a greased sewing needle out of your butt.

Of course, with your extremely elevated estrogen levels... you just can't help yourself.

I would ignore you as you advised yesterday, but then I'd miss the pleasure I get from pissing you off. Thanks for taking the bait again.



P.S.-By the way, your off-topic post was another off topic thread diversion.

Finally Opening Day is here! Guy gets up at 5:15, gets ready, and loads the truck. He's running a little late as he cranks the truck, opens the garage door and pulls out into a pouring rain. He sits at the end of the driveway for a minute as the rain gets harder. His neighbor down the street is sitting at the end of his driveway too. As he pulls out he sees the neighbor backing up. He has waited for this day but knows it is no use so he heads back home and into the garage.

He undresses and climbs back into bed. Since he is already awake he starts feeling a little amorous. He starts caressing his wife's back, scoots over and rubs her shoulder as she coos approvingly. He leans in and kisses her on the neck and says "It's raining cats and dogs out there". She says "I know! Can you believe my husband went hunting in that crap!